How should I be feeling?
Written by Administrator
Date: Monday, 16 March 2009 11:56
A lot of emotions ran through me when I lost my job, and in the 'fallout' period afterwards. At the time I felt I was suffering through a painful muddle of conflicting feelings; however some time later a friend pointed me in the direction of the Five Stages of Grief, and I was struck at the similarities of what I went through.
Some of you are probably familiar with those five stages - for those of you who are not, I'll run through them below, and explain how they fitted into my own experience of losing my job. I hope you find some reassurance, or at least context for your what you're feeling - you're not alone!
- Denial
- Anger
- Despair
- Bargaining
- Acceptance
Denial
The idea of a consultation period in any redundancy programme is designed to protect the employee, and give them a fighting chance to keep their job (or a similar one). Sadly, a consultancy period also lets you avoid facing facts - "they'll give me another position", "I'll win them over", or "they'll hire me back as a contractor".
Not everybody falls into the denial trap - and in a consultation period your employer can't stop you from going to interviews, for example - but it's a common enough starting point.
A good way of facing facts is to dig out your CV and force yourself to update it.
Anger
This one is fairly self-explanatory. You feel anger at the decision, frustration at your failure to see this coming, envy of your colleagues who have survived. You may feel specific anger at those you blame for your situation, or a more general feeling. It's natural to feel this way.
Try strenuous exercise to get this out of your system - and remember that ultimately it is an institution that is making you redundant, not one or more individuals.
Bargaining
Formal bargaining with your employer is not a luxury that many have. But people do still tend to fight the decision and try to negotiate at the 'micro' level. "Can I get my outstanding holiday pay priced at a generous day rate?" "Can I come back as a contractor?" "Can I get my payout tax-free?"
The law (and employment contracts) are actually fairly clear on these sorts of questions, but that doesn't stop people trying to bargain!
Despair
It's very easy for a surprise job-loss to impact massively on your self-esteem. Part of you thinks you were just unlucky - wrong boss, wrong industry, wrong time. But another part of you thinks, why me? Why did I lose my job when others didn't?
Especially if your redundancy is part of a wider economic downturn, it's all too easy for these feelings of rejection to translate into inactivity, and from there the risk of a longer-term lack of self-confidence.
A good way of snapping out of this, or avoiding it in the first place, is to come up with a clear plan of what you will do after leaving your company.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage. Finally, you understand what has happened, you have closure on why it happened (to the extent anyone can), and you are no longer interested in blaming yourself or others.
At this point, you can finally move on, and be positive about your future, and open with others about what happened, and what you want next.
There is life between jobs!
